How to move on?
That’s the question that’s been going on in my head days after finally meeting Lee Seung Gi in the flesh for the very first time after almost a decade of longing to see him face to face.
When he went to the army, I had been silent and waited for him patiently. Although I’d be honest that while waiting for him, I was lured to admire an idol. My heart fluttered for someone else when he was away. It felt like I was cheating on my boyfriend while he was gone. I felt guilt somehow. I know that it was for a short time only that I’m excited over someone else while he’s far away. Coz believe it or not, I know that at the very deepest part of me, my heart beats only for Lee Seung Gi. Yeah! Call me a cheater.. I admit it.. but only for a very short while. Haha.
When he came back from the army, I was overly excited that he’s back. I suddenly forgotten about the idol who caught my attention for a little while. Seung Gi was very manly when he came back to us. It’s time to swoon over the guy I fell in love with again. My only man is back!
Fast forward to the time when we were told that he’s coming to Manila.. I couldn’t contain my happiness when I found out he’s finally coming to see us! I couldn’t believe it. I was skeptical even if we were told that it’s confirmed already. I waited until the announcement was made by the producer just to really make sure it’s happening for real! haha. I was going through some health issue because of work, but Lee Seung Gi has been the best medicine I’ve had to keep me going and never give up.
Countless sleepless nights happened when we’re preparing for the FM. Nonstop chats and video meeting between me and my fellow admins happened to make sure our plans will be polished; making sure our world star Lee Seung Gi will have the best memories ever. I lost track in counting how many times I had asked the florist to revise our orders for the flowers of Lee Seung Gi Philippines and for the international Airen fanclubs. The times I had to contact the caterer for Seung Gi’s food, it was tiring but it was sooo worth it.
I was like a zombie when our world star landed here in Manila. I was awake for 24 hours coming from work and wasn’t able to get any sleep before we head to the airport to welcome him. My body was tired and my mind was telling me to sleep. But he was my energy booster. I’m glad I was able to have enough strength to welcome him. We were ecstatic seeing flashes of camera few meters away from us. We knew it was him! His car passed by in front of us and it was so quick! I didn’t even see him inside coz the car was heavily tinted. But even if I didn’t get to see his face that time, my heart was so full knowing that I’m breathing the same air now with my perfect namja! He’s really here!
I almost wasn’t able to attend the FM after coming home from the airport. My right eye was so painful and turned red because of lack of sleep. It seems like I’m gonna have a sore eye! Andwaaaaeee! It can’t be happening a day before the FM! I immediately put medicine and prayed that it won’t progress to what I was afraid of.. Thank God he answered my prayer! My eye was fine when I woke up. It’s time to get ready for the big day!
Fast forward to inside the venue after all the chaos outside while waiting for the event to start. We’re seated at the front row at the center stage. Perfect view to see our dear Seung Gi. You can feel the excitement of everyone inside the theater. All smiles. All ecstatic. When the lights turned off and Because You’re My Woman intro started playing, everyone was screaming so loud — including me of course! We screamed at the top of our lungs! Haha. I was already in tears! Me and my co-admin hugged each other when he started to appear on stage and singing our favorite song! It was so surreal. We were telling each other that it’s him! He’s here! In front of us! Our tears were endlessly flowing on our faces.. My main man — in front of me — singing my favorite song! @#$%&+!
The most memorable part of the FM for me was when he noticed me twice. The first one was when they were talking about his 2nd time working with Suzy and the host said they looked good together (like a couple) and I suddenly said no while doing an X sign using my two index fingers and shifted to making an X 🙅🏻♀️ sign using my arms! I was trying to get the attention of the host but it was Seung Gi who saw me! He was smiling and laughing while copying what I did and pointed at me asking “no?” and told everyone that I was doing the X 🙅🏻♀️ sign to him and everyone laughed! It was embarrassing, funny, exciting all at the same time. I was telling him no while laughing and shaking my head. Please don’t bash me shippers! haha.. I didn’t mean it that way. I only said no because I was rooting for another woman for him, unfortunately, she’s already taken.. lol.. I was afraid for my safety then. haha. But heck! I had a short moment with Lee Seung Gi! He directly pointed at me and smiled at me. It was blissful. It’s like it was just me and him inside the theater; laughing together, smiling at each other 🙂
When he was preparing food for the lucky fan, I knew that I had no chance of getting picked. I’m not someone who’s lucky when there’s a raffle or something similar. Although I was silently hoping that I get picked.. When he was asked about the food he cooks, I didn’t notice that I said “steak” too loud that he would hear and ask me “Oh, how did you know” while looking at me again.. I almost died on that 2nd time he noticed me! My heart was overflowing with joy! My friends were already attacking me telling me that I’ve already reached my quota of getting Seung Gi’s attention. Believe me! I didn’t plan it. But it was the best moment of my life. Although I wished to be the lucky fan he would feed his amazing kimbap! Hahaha
When our video presentation started playing, my eyes were fixed on him. Checking his reaction. I saw pride and happiness in his eyes while he was watching the video. He was teary eyed while watching it. We couldn’t help but cry again because he’s seeing now all the things we have done under his name, under his fanclub here in Manila. I know he was grateful. I felt it.
Like what they say, all good things come to an end. It was bittersweet for us to say our goodbye to him. I don’t want him to leave. I don’t want the FM to end. I waited for him for almost a decade! If only he can stay with us forever.. But I know he has to go back to his home. All I can hope and wish for is for him to comeback again and visit us.
We went back to the place we rented for the event and we all have decided to send him off. To say goodbye to him before he goes back to Korea. It was almost 3am and we had to be at the airport earlier to see him. No time for us to sleep. This is it! This time, we were closer to the entrance. When he arrived, he saw us and waived his goodbye to us. My heart broke into pieces. I felt like I was a wife sending my husband off to work abroad for our future and our 3 kids (that’s the number of kids he would like to have!). Lol. But seriously, I was in tears once again. It was indeed a roller coaster emotion for me seeing him for the first time and seeing him leave. I wished he lives here and not far away from us.
Few days had passed by and I am still on cloud nine. I’m still crying happy tears when I watch our video presentation and seeing his reaction brings me back to that moment during the FM, how he said that he was really touched by what we did for him. When he started singing and showing us how happy he was to finally meet us, all the reasons why I fell in love with him came flashing in front of me. He proved to me that he deserves my love and support. That I made the right choice in choosing him to be the guy I support and admire. There’s no turning back. No need to look for someone else. Coz he’s more than enough and no one could ever replace him. Just like his song – Meet Someone Like Me. He’s the perfect guy ever who will give you smile and cheer you up when things doesn’t seem right. He’s the only guy for me and for his Airens.
Going back to my title: How to move on? I have asked people who went to the FM with me the same question and realized that there was no answer to this. Coz I won’t be able to move on with the happy memories I’ve had taken home from finally meeting him. You don’t move on from someone you love. You don’t look for ways how to move on from a wonderful dream that came true. You just continue to love him even from afar. You just continue to admire him and wish for another chance of seeing him.
“The first memory is really just the perfect memory.” Indeed it was the perfect memory I have of you! 이승기 씨, I will wait patiently for you to come back and visit us again. I made it for almost a decade long and I’m positive that you will come back again and I will wait together with your other Filipino fans who loves you so dearly. Let’s collect more memories together here in Manila. I won’t turn my eyes to anyone else but you. Promise! 너무 사랑해요! 😘❤️💕💕💕💘💘💘
credit: ChaCha @lsgcha23